This post may not sound as "spiritual" as those preceding it, but I think it’ll end up that way. As I write this, I’m about 80 pounds overweight… yes, that’s a bunch. I’ve fought it ever since high school, but obviously not too successfully. I realized as I talked with my wife last night how much it probably effects nearly everything that I do in my life. It’s always an underlying thought for me. It’s always right there to undermine how I feel about myself. It hampers me from accomplishing much of what I should be accomplishing in my life. And not just because it makes things physically harder to do. It makes them immensely emotionally harder, too. I have this little voice in my head that is always telling me things like, "People don’t take you seriously because you’re fat" and " People don’t really want to be your friend because you’re fat." Awful, I know…. but that’s the curse of being overweight, at least for me.
It occured to me last night what may be the underlying reason for all of it.
It is probably the number biggest, most obvious way that people can see that my life is out of control. I mean, if I were a smoker, drinker, wife abuser… any other character flaw you want to throw in, nobody would know that immediately upon meeting me. But everybody knows immediately that at least the physical part of my life is out of control… and what does that say about the rest of my life? Plenty, I’m afraid.
I read somewhere (I’ve been doing so much reading, I honestly can’t remember where) that until we’ve tried and failed, tried and failed, tried and failed at something, we’re not ready to turn it over to Jesus. Until we truly realize that we can do nothing on our own, we’re not ready for His full assistance. I honestly don’t know if I’m to that point yet. Part of me still feels like I have the will power and commitment to hit the gym hard and eat right and get better… I’ve done it before… but part of me knows that doing that is against my natural habits and programming. I’m beginning to realize that I need to invite Him into that part of my life, turn myself over to Him, and let Him rewrite my habits and programming. He can raise from the dead, He can give sight to the blind, He can save my very soul… of course He could change me into a healthy person. The real question is, am I ready to let Him?
